


happy birthday

by orphan_account



Category: Arctic Monkeys, The Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: Birthday Presents, Fluff, M/M, Makeup, OH AND IT'S ALEX'S BIRTHDAY, a lot of this is dialogue i apologize, alex is very pretty, im a fucking slut for the idea of alex in makeup and it physically pains me, inspired by alex's riddler costume in which he wears eyeliner, oh and matt is a real jokester, taylor helps alex put on makeup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-09-18
Packaged: 2018-08-15 12:51:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8057092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "i can't believe it- the big three oh? it all just goes by so quickly."
"yeah, funny though, that my gift is more befitting of a thirteen year old girl."





	happy birthday

**Author's Note:**

> this is literally mostly dialogue and i'm so sorry but hopefully y'all still enjoy

_"miles is always telling ya how pretty you are, so i thought this'd be a fitting gift!"_

_"oh, fuck off."_

when alex had seen matt a week before his birthday, in a small yet bustling cafe in the middle of los angeles, he wasn't sure what he was expecting when he got handed a black and white gift bag with a baby blue birthday card attached. but it certainly hadn't been-

" _makeup_?" he asked in disbelief, holding up a compact between his fingers before flickering his eyes over to the man sitting across from him.

matt burst out laughing, though it barely seemed to faze anyone around them amid the chatter and noise around them. alex simply stared at him in confusion, unsure of what to say until his friend finally calmed down and wiped a small tear forming in the corner of his eye. "well, you know..." he reached across the table and took one of alex's hands in his own, brows furrowed and upturned the slightest bit, "i think you're finally mature enough to wear it, honey." he exploded into hysterics yet again, nearly knocking over his cup of coffee before alex managed to save it. though it finally died down after a minute or two, matt couldn't wipe the slight smirk on his face. "so, what do you think?"

"i think it's..." alex pauses for a second to think of the right words. "what's a more eloquent way to say absolutely and utterly idiotic?" despite how much he hated the gift, he couldn't help but smile too as he finished his sentence.

"aw come on al, at least say thanks! that shit ain't cheap, you know!"

alex sighs and rolls his eyes before muttering, " _thank you, helders._ "

matt smiles again, taking a quick sip of the now-lukewarm coffee sitting on the table before him. "i can't believe it- the big three oh? it all just goes by so quickly."

"yeah, funny though, that my gift is more befitting of a thirteen year old girl."

* * *

now, alex sat, perched on the burnt umber couch of their living room, staring intently at the striped bag placed on their coffee table. the tick-tock of the clock up on the wall behind him is loud and clear in the silence of their home- five minutes till six and therefore 125 minutes until miles is supposed to pick him up for alex's birthday dinner. he's not gonna lie, he considered just giving the makeup away to his mother but something made him keep it, "just in case".

he's not gonna lie, he's wondered what he'd look like with a full face of makeup. however, he knows jack shit about it. despite the years of his life he's spent watching his birds put on their makeup in dirty bathroom mirrors (gotta love compulsory heterosexuality) the most he's learned to do is eyeliner, and he still nearly stabbed himself attempting to put it on for his costume last halloween.

he sighs as he crosses his legs and tugs at his own bottom lip for a second with his teeth. before he can really realize what he's doing, he reaches over to his phone next to him and searches through his contacts for a few moments before putting it to his ear and hearing the ringing.

the line was picked up almost immediately and a girl's voice crackling on the other end. "hello?"

"taylor, are you busy?" he blurts out immediately as he tightly grips the hem of his shirt.

"no, too busy decorating for your surprise birthday party," she replies, chuckling as she finished her sentence.

"it's, uh, kind of..." he gulps, embarrassed to even be doing this, "important."

"well what is it then?"

his eyes dart back to the bag in front of him and it takes him a few moments to murmur, "i need you to put makeup on me."

"... what?"

he repeats, "i-i-- i need you to put makeup on me, taylor."

"no, i- i heard you, i just..." she's obviously trying hard not to laugh but alex can still hear the smile in her voice. "i guess you can explain when i get there, right?" alex just nods, not recognizing at the moment that she can't see him, and quickly hangs up prior to flopping onto the back of the couch. _well, this will be fun,_ he thinks.

* * *

"so, uh, tell me again why you're having me do this?" taylor asks, pushing her blonde hair aside and still attempting to stifle a giggle while alex dry his face off after washing it.

"listen- matt gave it to me, okay?" he retorts and starts pulling items out of the bag and setting them on the counter. "the only makeup i've ever put on was eyeliner, so i just wanna try it, you know?"

she glances over the products in front of her, pursing her lips in thought before grabbing something and turning back to him. "aw, i guess my little boy's all grown up now, huh? finally ready to start wearing makeup!"

"bug off, matt made the same damn joke," he sneers.

"fine, fine. stay still for me." alex follows her hands as she opens up a palette full of neutral eyeshadows. she grabs the brush that comes with it and looks back between the shades and alex before pondering, "would you say you're more of a matte or shimmery shadow kinda guy?"

he opens his mouth, closes it, then opens it again to respond, "i haven't the foggiest what that means."

"just... close your eyes." he does as she tells him to but flinches as he feels the brush against his eyelids that flutter open and almost gets stabbed in the eye by the tool. "for fuck's sake alex, didn't i just ask you to stay still?"

" _sorry_  that i'm not used to it!"

she rolls her eyes and blows some hair out of her face before continuing on, mumbling "mascara's going to be hell for you."

taylor is talking to alex as she applies the makeup, telling him what each item is for as if he was a student, but if he's quite honest it's going in one ear and out the other. he's trying to listen, he really is- but when she painted across his lids with some black liquid shit his eyes couldn't help but start watering, his whole face itches like hell but she's still "setting" the... what was it called? foundation? so he can't, and they're still not even finished. hell, he doesn't even know what he looks like.

"did you hear me, alex?"

he snaps out of his haze, looking up at her with still slightly damp eyes. "what?"

"your phone is ringing," she repeats, "are you going to answer it or not?" he becomes aware of the vibrations in his back pocket and reaches behind him for his phone, not even reading the caller id before pressing answer but he can recognize the voice immediately.

"hi aly," miles purrs on the other end. "how is your birthday going?"

"well, it'll be better once you get here." alex can't help but smile as he hears miles' voice. taylor pokes him in the cheek to get his attention, and as his head turns to her she mouths out _put him on speaker_. he complies and sets the phone down on the countertop. taylor grips his chin with her thumb and forefinger to turn his head back to the side so she can apply something to his cheekbones.

"about that- i hope you don't mind, but i'm gonna get there a bit early. i just can't wait to see you." taylor stops for a moment, cursing under her breath. she hurriedly finishes up whatever she was doing and grabs a small container of white powder and a makeup sponge.

"well, how early?" alex inquires, unsure of how much longer taylor will need to finish up his makeup.

"i dunno, probably 20 minutes? why?"

"just asking, i need to make sure i have enough time to get ready- _god_ taylor what is that, _anthrax_?" she nearly drops the pan of product at that, throwing her head back as she laughs.

"is- is taylor there?" miles cuts in.

alex bites his lip for a split second before trying to answer. "yeah, she's here to uh- help me pick an outfit." _you're a horrible liar_ she mouths again, quickly grabbing another product and getting back to work. "i'll see you in 20 then, okay?"

"yeah i'll see you soon, baby. and say hi to taylor for me!" the call ends with three beeps and immediately alex is on her case about laughing.

"you almost spoiled the surprise!" he shouts, throwing his hands up in the air for effect.

"well, _maybe_ i wouldn't have been laughing if you hadn't asked me if the setting powder was _anthrax_ ," she taunts, stepping back for a moment as she waves fake lashes back and forth for the glue to dry.

"well, _maybe_ we wouldn't have had this problem if the makeup didn't look like a _deadly drug_!" he closes his eyes without being told as she leans forward and applies the black lashes to his lids, pushing them around with a pair of tweezers until she's happy. "i need to get dressed, are we almost done?"

"almost." she rummages through what's left of the products and clicks her tongue against her teeth when she can't find what she needs. instead, she bends down to reach her purse and seconds later comes back up with something in her hand. "matt got you a horrid nude lipstick, so i guess you'll have to wear mine instead," she explains as she pulls the cap off. "he could've at least gotten you a wearable color, but _whatever_." she twists the dark red product up and takes a step towards alex so she can get the lines the smoothest she can. after a minute or so, she finally pulls away and looks over his whole face. "i've gotta say, you look beautiful."

he slides off where he was sitting on the counter and turns around to face himself in the mirror, gasping when he sees his face. he didn't know what he was expecting here either, but _fuck_ did he love the outcome. "taylor, i..." he was actually speechless this time around, running a hand through his hair and watching how the weird-glittery-shit on the tops of his cheeks shine as he moves his head. she walks over to him, a smug smile on her face as she slings her arm around his shoulders.

"you're welcome."

they both jump as they hear the front door unlocking and alex quickly scrambles to start putting away the mess of products left on the porcelain sink. "go, get dressed," taylor hisses and pushes him out of the way as she starts throwing handfuls of lipliners and mascaras back into the bag. she can hear miles approaching the bathroom door and throws the sack into one of the cabinets, grabbing her own purse and rushing out of the bathroom.

as she strolls into the living room where miles is, he smiles wide and reaches out his arms for a hug as he exclaims "oh, hi taylor!" the two embrace and he follows her to the couch, dropping down next to her. "where's alex?"

"oh, he's getting dressed," she replies, looking down at her phone. there's a bang down the hall of their bedroom door closing and a grin creeps up on her face as she mumbles, "speak of the devil."

alex walks out, in possibly the tightest pair of black pants he owns and his classic leather jacket, hair falling slightly into his face. taylor watches the way miles' jaw drops to the floor as he notices the makeup, leaving him completely speechless. alex smirks when he notices his boyfriend's utterly shocked expression. "you like?"

he's never seen him get up so fast, smashing their lips together as he wraps his arms around alex's waist. alex smiles into the kiss and he brings his hands up to the side of miles' face and lightly strokes his cheeks with his thumbs. soon enough, they pull apart, alex snickering when he notices the way his cherry red lipstick transferred onto miles' lips. "i take that as a yes?"

"and you have all me to thank!" taylor jokingly butts in from behind, patting miles on the back. "he's such a pain in the ass even when i'm just putting on mascara, i don't know how you've put up with him this long mi."

"it's just the things i put myself through for my beautiful boyfriend." he leans forward to kiss alex on the nose and hears taylor groan.

"wow, guys, thanks for reminding me that i'm alone." she rolls her eyes and crosses her arms before continuing, "i have to go, but have fun at dinner, alright? and happy birthday al." 

"wait, taylor," he yells before she reaches the front door, whipping around to look at him. "could... could you leave the lipstick on the table? for touch ups?"

she reaches into her bag and walks back over to where they were to place it on the coffee table. "it looks better on you than it does on me, anyway."

once the front door is closed, miles' mouth is immediately back on alex's, teeth clashing in the heat of the kiss. they eventually pull apart for air and miles mutters, "if it wasn't for the fact we've got a dinner reservation in half an hour that i'd rather not miss, i'd be shagging you into the damn mattress right now." he wipes the lipstick off his mouth before deciding to roam down to his neck.

"we can do that once we get home, yeah?" he lets out a tiny moan as miles leaves a hickey on the sensitive skin of his throat. "for now, how about i blow you in the car?"

the younger man's head pops up at that, cheeks flushed. "my pretty boy knows just what to say, huh?"

 

**Author's Note:**

> ngl i'm not the HAPPIEST with this since my biggest weak points are dialogue and fluff but here i am , writing this  
> kind of an early birthday present for my main goth bitch paris (previously mentioned in pretty boy but they don't have an account) but also a late birthday present for myself because we're both alex-in-makeup stans. i'm genuinely sad that alex never had like, an emo phase or something because the eyeliner from the riddler costume is not enough. i need alex in bright red lipstick leaving kisses on miles during shows. i need alex in winged eyeliner sharp enough to slit my throat. i need alex in a poppin highlighter.  
> #alexturnerwearmoremakeup2k16  
> ALSO I APOLOGIZE FOR THE NAME I DEADASS COULDN'T THINK OF ONE  
> [ instagram](https://www.instagram.com/unleashthefuckingbats) / [twitter](https://twitter.com/plasticeyelids) / [tumblr](http://dontbetechnology.tumblr.com/)


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